Life of an adoptive mom

Home bound! It started reaching the end of July, which meant we would be going back home in just a few weeks!! Still in a depressive state, I finally had something too look forward to. Home. Family. Friends. This not only brought out excitement, but it brought up a lot nerves for me. Everyone was going to want to talk about it, ask questions, hug.. I wasn't ready to face my reality.I had done so well ignoring what happened that I didn't feel I needed to deal with it anymore. It happened, and it was over. I was nervous that I was going to be socially awkward since I had really distanced myself from everyone and secluded myself. I had never been a socially awkward person in my life! But, now I was. It has been about two years and I am still working through this socially awkward stage I pulled myself into.  I started looking through apartments. We planned on moving back to Logan, UT. Where I grew up and we had started our marriage. But, we were ready for some change so we...

The darkest times *This post may have multiple triggers please be aware of that as you continue reading* We left off at the shocking pregnancy test. I waited the allotted time frame. Terrified to look down at the result. Terrified of a once again another negative test, terrified for the first time of getting a positive. I looked down and there it was. 2 lines. It was positive. Of course you would think why was I not jumping up and down ecstatic? Why was I terrified to have a positive when this is what I had been trying and hoping for? That was the moment when it really set in. I couldn't bare the thought of losing another child, I couldn't bare the thought of not being able to give this child a life. As hard as I tried not to get my hopes up, they were. As hard as I tried not to fall hopelessly in love with the child my body was suppose to be growing, I fell in love. As hard as I tried not to stress about the fear of losing another pregnancy, I stressed. I continued te...

Where the story really begins August 29, 2014 I married the sweetest, loving, man. We were so excited to start our lives together. We set off the day after the wedding onto our honeymoon. We made a few stops on our way to California where we had the whole week planned! On the third day of our honeymoon I started having intense abdominal pains. I knew it was my cysts on my ovaries, I figured one of them was bursting. (which hurts like hell) but the pain is temporary. I decided to wait it out. Over the next few days, the pain only got worse, I couldn't leave the hotel. My husband was frantic not knowing what he was suppose to do, not knowing the area we were in. Well, he called my mom for help. The thing I remember most was him holding back tears on the phone telling my mom, "I should have never taken her this far home!". We got my insurance information and called multiple hospitals trying to find one that accepted my insurance.  Finally, we made it to the ER at ...

Reality sets in So, as you all know from my last post. I had just found out that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, often called PCOS. Of course, the first thing I did after getting home was hopping over to the all knowing google to expand my knowledge and have a better understanding of what my doctor just explained to me. Multiple articles pop up. I start glancing through not sure where to start reading first. I see so many things that made my heart drop. "PCOS and infertility" "cant get pregnant" "diabetes" "higher risk for cancer" "weight gain" "obesity" "facial hair" "abdominal pain". WHERE DOES A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL START!?  I remember so vividly, just bawling in my room. I was in denial that any of these things would ever happen to me. How could this be? What did I do wrong? There has to be a CURE right? No. Wrong. NO cure. But, I can treat the symptoms. So after consulting with my doctor we de...