Life of an adoptive mom

Withdrawals I watch the clock, dreading the hours going by. Leading closer to the first visitation in Betty's home. I had so many nerves, so many questions. What if she ran away with him? What if he was neglected? What if they never answered the door when I came back to pick him up? What if she over feeds him? I wouldn't be there to make sure everything was okay. It was time to take him to her house. I left early to make sure I could find the house, and get there on time. I got there about 20 min early. I wasn't sure if I should just go inside, or if I should wait in the car. So, I parked on the side of the road until about 5 min to the hour. I went in and they gave me a tour of their home to "prove" it was a safe place. I gave them his schedule of when he eats, and the things he likes, and I left. I was so nervous she would run with him that I waited around the corner in my car for the full 3 hours. I went to pick him back up and he was crying relentlessly. ...

The first day of the rest of my life The phone rang, I shakingly answered the phone, it was her. The mother of the baby I could be taking home in just a few short days. We will call her Betty. Betty explained to me the situation a little better than my mother in law was able to. She had a baby 3 days previous to our conversation. He had tested positive for drugs, so the state had moved in to remove the baby from her temporarily. Betty had 3 kids previous to this pregnancy who had all been adopted and her words "lost" in the system. She wanted someone in the family that could help out and take him while she got clean. While I didn't stop to think about the difficulties this could bring, I immediately said YES! We will take him, what do we need to do? I THEN called my husband, yes that's right I just said we would take a newborn without speaking to my husband! I called Sheldon, and I asked him, "do you wanna have a baby this week?" He confusingly answered...

Home bound! It started reaching the end of July, which meant we would be going back home in just a few weeks!! Still in a depressive state, I finally had something too look forward to. Home. Family. Friends. This not only brought out excitement, but it brought up a lot nerves for me. Everyone was going to want to talk about it, ask questions, hug.. I wasn't ready to face my reality.I had done so well ignoring what happened that I didn't feel I needed to deal with it anymore. It happened, and it was over. I was nervous that I was going to be socially awkward since I had really distanced myself from everyone and secluded myself. I had never been a socially awkward person in my life! But, now I was. It has been about two years and I am still working through this socially awkward stage I pulled myself into.  I started looking through apartments. We planned on moving back to Logan, UT. Where I grew up and we had started our marriage. But, we were ready for some change so we...

The darkest times *This post may have multiple triggers please be aware of that as you continue reading* We left off at the shocking pregnancy test. I waited the allotted time frame. Terrified to look down at the result. Terrified of a once again another negative test, terrified for the first time of getting a positive. I looked down and there it was. 2 lines. It was positive. Of course you would think why was I not jumping up and down ecstatic? Why was I terrified to have a positive when this is what I had been trying and hoping for? That was the moment when it really set in. I couldn't bare the thought of losing another child, I couldn't bare the thought of not being able to give this child a life. As hard as I tried not to get my hopes up, they were. As hard as I tried not to fall hopelessly in love with the child my body was suppose to be growing, I fell in love. As hard as I tried not to stress about the fear of losing another pregnancy, I stressed. I continued te...

Where the story really begins August 29, 2014 I married the sweetest, loving, man. We were so excited to start our lives together. We set off the day after the wedding onto our honeymoon. We made a few stops on our way to California where we had the whole week planned! On the third day of our honeymoon I started having intense abdominal pains. I knew it was my cysts on my ovaries, I figured one of them was bursting. (which hurts like hell) but the pain is temporary. I decided to wait it out. Over the next few days, the pain only got worse, I couldn't leave the hotel. My husband was frantic not knowing what he was suppose to do, not knowing the area we were in. Well, he called my mom for help. The thing I remember most was him holding back tears on the phone telling my mom, "I should have never taken her this far home!". We got my insurance information and called multiple hospitals trying to find one that accepted my insurance.  Finally, we made it to the ER at ...

Reality sets in So, as you all know from my last post. I had just found out that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, often called PCOS. Of course, the first thing I did after getting home was hopping over to the all knowing google to expand my knowledge and have a better understanding of what my doctor just explained to me. Multiple articles pop up. I start glancing through not sure where to start reading first. I see so many things that made my heart drop. "PCOS and infertility" "cant get pregnant" "diabetes" "higher risk for cancer" "weight gain" "obesity" "facial hair" "abdominal pain". WHERE DOES A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL START!?  I remember so vividly, just bawling in my room. I was in denial that any of these things would ever happen to me. How could this be? What did I do wrong? There has to be a CURE right? No. Wrong. NO cure. But, I can treat the symptoms. So after consulting with my doctor we de...

The pearl necklace that changed my life I'm sharing this Journey in my life to connect to other families who may face the same trials and triumphs in life as I do. Also, in hopes of helping those who don't understand these struggles from an outside view to see it from the inside.  In 2009, I started to have a pain that I thought would just go away. But, I found myself laughing it off as I would joke to friends that when I sneezed it would hurt my ovaries. Everyone would laugh and in my head i'm thinking "no guys really". I finally went to my mom and expressed the concern I was starting to feel as the pain not only didn't go away, but continued to get WORSE! We agreed that it would be best to go in and get checked out. So, we booked an appointment and dreaded the wait to find out what was wrong.  The day finally came, the day of my first appointment that changed my life. The doctor suggested that we do an ultrasound. In my young mind I was confu...