Withdrawals

I watch the clock, dreading the hours going by. Leading closer to the first visitation in Betty's home. I had so many nerves, so many questions. What if she ran away with him? What if he was neglected? What if they never answered the door when I came back to pick him up? What if she over feeds him? I wouldn't be there to make sure everything was okay. It was time to take him to her house. I left early to make sure I could find the house, and get there on time. I got there about 20 min early. I wasn't sure if I should just go inside, or if I should wait in the car. So, I parked on the side of the road until about 5 min to the hour. I went in and they gave me a tour of their home to "prove" it was a safe place. I gave them his schedule of when he eats, and the things he likes, and I left. I was so nervous she would run with him that I waited around the corner in my car for the full 3 hours. I went to pick him back up and he was crying relentlessly. I tried to show and help her the best way to get him to calm down. She didn't want to do it. She just handed him off for me to handle. Which I of course didn't mind, but she also needed to learn these things if she was going to permanently get him back. I asked her to put him in his car seat because it was time for us to go. The chest clip was down by his belly button, and the straps were lose enough to fit my whole fist through. I explained to her that it was not tight enough, and that it was dangerous for him to be in the seat like that if we were to get in a crash. I showed her where the chest clip went. I showed her how to tell if the straps were tight enough. I tried to make it very simple for her. I could tell she was getting very frustrated with me. We said goodbye, and let her know we would see her again the next day. 

I got home and started to unpack his things and get him ready for bed. I could not get that smoke smell out of my nose. Then I noticed, it wasn't just in my nose. It was all over the car seat, the car seat cover, the blankets, his clothes, his skin, his hair. It was on everything. I through the blankets and cover in the washer, I bathed him to get the smell off of him. But, something was out of the normal. He kept spitting up. The only time he every spit up was if we didn't burp him, so I figured she may have forgot to burp him. The next day I dropped him off again, and I brought up the fact he had been spitting up an abnormal amount and to just make sure they are burping him. They reassured me he had been burped the previous night. I came back a few hours later to pick him up. She opened the door in a panic. "He wont stop screaming. He has been crying since you dropped him off. You need to let me feed him when I think he his hungry. I don't care about the schedule he is on. He is starving. You are starving him!!." I took him and rocked him and he calmed down within 30 seconds and fell asleep. I looked at her and told her he responds excellent to his schedule, he is not hungry. I am feeding him according to the doctors preference. I again, asked her to put him in his car seat. Once again, the chest clip was even with the belly button, and the straps were even loser this time around. 

As soon as I got to the car, I could smell the smoke again. He spit up before I got home. That night he screamed, he cried harder than I had seen him cry before, he then started to stiffen up and lightly started shaking. He was having withdrawals from the nicotine. She had been smoking with him near. There was nothing I could do but sit, and love him, and cry along with him. My heart had never ached the way it did when he went through these withdrawals. Most of the time it was near impossible to even hold him, because he was as stiff as a board. This continued for a few weeks, he would get a " high" for 3 days in a row, and have 5 days to get it out of his system. Then started over again. It was the hardest few weeks, the longest nights, followed by the longest days. During those few weeks, she had contacted the case worker complaining that I was starving her child. I was not letting him eat when he was hungry, I wasn't taking care of him. I was putting him to tightly in the car seat. And last but not least, I was trying to steal her baby. None of which was true. I was then informed that her drug tests had been coming back positive. So I then continued worrying if that too, was going on around him. She started complaining every visit that he was crying and screaming all the time, my husband who had gone to pick him up with me cracked. He said "of course he is crying and screaming, he is going through withdrawals! You guys are putting too much nicotine around him." Betty's mother lets call her Nora....Nora piped up. She had started yelling at us saying that she smoked for all of her pregnancies and none of her kids had withdrawals, and we are making this all up to look good. We tried explaining her kids wouldn't have gone through withdrawals, because they didn't have to go without it. She started yelling and screaming, so I took AJ and walked out of the house. 

We decided because they had been so hostile, Sheldons mother would come to the drop offs with me. Shortly after, Nora had called my mother in law, and let her know that her and Betty had gotten into a drunken fight, Betty had physically attacked Nora and she ran away. Betty was no longer aloud to live there. What would this mean for us? Was it over? We contacted the case worker the following day and informed him. He let us know this was not good on her behalf. A few days later, Betty contacted the case worker and wanted to see AJ. The case worker informed her that she could come to the office for a 1 hour supervised visit. She fought because she did not want to come to the office. She then said, "I have moved in with AJ's father. His dad was not deported, this guy is his dad. He wants custody." ....